


Secrets can't be held in tight spaces.

by ambientbliss



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Scott, Anxiety, Derek Tries, Derek is confused, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Nogitsune Stiles Stilinski, Probably More - Freeform, Sexual Content, Stiles Has Nightmares, Stiles-centric, Top Derek Hale/Bottom Stiles Stilinski, mentions of self harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-27 00:38:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10798095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambientbliss/pseuds/ambientbliss
Summary: Tight spaces get Stiles in trouble. As it is he can never keep himself quiet, but keeping himself from moving around is impossible. Things happen... and Derek is brought into a part of Stiles that he has been keeping a secret for a while now.





	1. Tight Spaces.

**Author's Note:**

> * Unbeta'd   
> * I do not own Teen Wolf, or it's characters.
> 
> I'm still currently working on an ending for this...

Stiles has just turned 18. It is his senior year and of course everything has turned upside down since Scott was bitten by Peter. However Stiles learned that not only did he love Lydia Martin, he was falling for someone else. Always the subject of unrequited love. Or so he thought.

Stiles was spending more time with Derek after the Nogitsune left. Lydia left with Isaac to find a way to banish the box with the fox spirit to keep it as far away from Stiles as possible. And then there was Kira and Scott, always together. Which he didn’t mind but Scott was always so questioning. 

After the Nogitsune left him, Stiles was still struggling with what it left behind. He found it easier to be around Derek because he didn’t question anything and he would let Stiles blabber about whatever so it was easy to avoid talking about the nightmares and the panic attacks when he was alone. At first he thought it was just nothing, but eventually Stiles realized he might have stronger feelings for Derek than the regular “Don’t Die” feelings. 

During high school he had always toyed with the idea of himself being bisexual. He had been really worried that he would lose his best friend so when he told Scott it was with bated breath. Of course Scott told him he accepted him either way. So Stiles kind of started to accept it. So every time he and Derek hung out, Stiles felt like their friendship was growing closer. The two had been out hunting down a rogue wolf that was in the area when it started to pour. 

“Great. Just great.” Stiles’ arms slapped down on his wet clothes. “Just once can’t this go right?” 

Derek glared at him for a moment, then his face changed. 

“What?” A low growl came from Derek. 

“RUN!” 

A shot rang out and Stiles thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head. Then they were running. Stiles was trying to keep up with Derek but before he knew it he was being pulled into a small cramped cave. 

Stiles, being all klutz and no grace, fell almost immediately. Knocking them both to the ground wedging them into an even tighter space. Derek’s body pinned to Stiles’ front. He could see the anger in Derek’s eyes - he might actually kill him this time. “Don’t move.” his voice bit out, dangerously quiet. All Stiles wanted to do was move out from under Derek, this was too much. It was a sensory overload. Derek’s weight pressed on on him, and his breath against his neck. _Oh god no. Not now. Think of anything else._ Stiles willed himself to stop thinking about the position they had themselves in. 

“Derek… I…”

“Shut up!” 

Derek glared. Then Stiles could hear them. The hunter had found the rest of his group and they were looking for them. The two waited in silence for the hunters to get far enough away. Stiles’ body twitching, and moved a bit against Derek. Damn his hyperactivity. 

“Don’t.” 

Derek bit out again, barely audible. When Stiles’ body finally settled to a position he could just wait in, his hip felt exactly why Derek said not to move. The erection pressing into Stiles’ body did not help his own problem of being pressed up to Derek. 

His breath caught and he knew his heartbeat spiked. It wasn’t a surprise that Derek noticed considering his wolfy hearing and their close proximity. They were finally silent, Stiles was panicking a little, his mind jumping with joy that maybe Derek felt the same way. He dared to look at Derek, he was searching the wolfy green eyes for anything, any sign. There may have been a glimpse of something but he couldn’t be sure. 

When Derek was sure that they were safe from the hunters he strained to wiggle away from Stiles to unpin them. The movement and friction was agonizing to Stiles. Then the sudden separation. It left him gasping for air. Once they were outside the cave the cold rain cleared his head, but there was a sudden tension that hadn’t been there before. 

“So… uhm…” Stiles rubbed the back of his neck nervously, “that was a close one then.” Hoping sarcasm would lighten the mood. 

“Uh… yeah.” For the first time Stiles heard anxiety in Derek’s voice, and he didn’t like it. 

“Listen… uhm…” Stiles stepped closer to Derek. “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. I get it. Silent wolf status and all…” 

Derek let out a low laugh, it was almost a sigh. It made Stiles smile a little. 

“But, I mean if you want to talk about it that is fine. I think that since we have been hanging out we can talk, you know, be open. I know you are generally a quiet guy and that is fine, but… dear god say something because I am not making this any better.” 

Stiles heart was racing, he was sure Derek could hear it clearly. Once again there was silence and Stiles was going to go crazy. 

“Okay, well no talky. That works too. Can we go back now? It’s wet and cold.” Derek finally turned to Stiles. 

“This way.” 

_THAT’S IT?! UGH!_

Stiles followed Derek out of the woods and back to the car. After that day there was radio silence from Derek. Stiles was going absolutely nuts. He was about to call the remaining pack to look for him until he got a text. 

**Derek:  
We shouldn’t hang out anymore.**

Stiles’ stomach dropped. _What? Did I do something wrong?_

**Stiles:  
Why?**

Stiles sat anxiously tapping his fingers on his desk waiting for Derek to reply. After 20 minutes of silence he had had enough. It didn’t take him long to drive to Derek’s loft and slammed the door behind him.

“What the actual fuck Derek?!” He waited for him to answer, but he wasn’t surprised when he didn’t. “Seriously?! You have nothing to say as usual, well how fucking shocking. Over one not talked about thing. ONE. You don’t even have a goddamned clue do you? If this is about how you think I feel about it obviously you weren’t listening to my breathing or my heartbeat you furball!!!” 

Stiles’ body was shaking with anger. But before he said anything Derek actually spoke. 

“That’s why I said we shouldn’t hang out anymore. Because of _your_ reaction.” 

_Shit._ This was a rejection. Stiles’ eyes narrowed 

“Wow.. just.. how did I not see it for what it was? What this…” he waves his arms between them, “...is! Leave it to Stiles. Fucking wanting what he can’t have. I must be a goddamned masochist, always with the rejection. Good to know I can fucking strike out with everyone… without even trying.” 

Stiles hadn’t noticed that Derek had gotten up and was walking over to him, but when he did he stopped talking. Derek stood in front of him, while his whiskey colored eyes searched Derek’s face. 

“Stiles. You don’t get it.” His voice was firm. “I don’t want to reject you. Everyone around me gets hurt. I don’t want to risk you getting hurt.” 

Stiles started laughing, hysterically. 

“Have… have you… you know who you are talking to right?” 

Derek actually laughed. That right there was the undoing of Stiles.

In a flash of bravery Stiles pressed his lips to Derek’s. The wolf tensed, then responded, kissing him back. From there everything was frantic. Derek pulled them to his room, breaking their kissing only to pull away each other’s shirts. The older man was in control, he knew Stiles had never done this before. His lips left Stiles’ skin feeling like it was on fire. It felt like he couldn’t breath, but this was different, it wasn’t a panic attack. A groan escaped Stiles’ lips when Derek’s hips ground against his. 

“Derek…” his voice wrecked. 

Derek’s nose and lips roamed the boy’s neck, scenting him and kissing him. In a flash Derek’s warm hands were on Stiles’ pants, unbuttoning them. Taking no time to free Stiles’ erection from his boxers. 

“Oh… _Jesus_ … Fuck.” 

His words barely audible. A low growl came from Derek, as he made quick work of removing Stiles’ pants and his own. Without hesitation Stiles wrapped his long fingers around Derek’s length gaining a low moan from him. Taking it as a sign to keep going, he began running his hand up and down the length of him. Another growl came from Derek and Stiles froze. 

Derek was handling him with expert skill. His breathing became erratic. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ His body was automatically responding to Derek’s touch.

“D-Derek.. I… I’ve never done this before. I… I don’t know what I am doing.” He was starting to ramble, his voice low, frantic. 

“Shut up Stiles.” Derek’s voice was gentle between kisses. 

“O-Okay.” Bravery struck him once more and he continued to work Derek in his hand. “Derek… I’m… I’m so…” Derek took this as he cue to reach for a condom. 

It didn’t take him long to get Stiles ready, opening him up for him. But when he pushed into Stiles the teen tensed, stretching around Derek. 

“Ah… fuck.” Stiles moaned.

Derek didn’t move, not until Stiles squirmed beneath him trying for more. He started his thrusts slow and deep. Dragging low moans and groans from Stiles. Of course Stiles knew he wouldn’t last long, not if Derek kept rolling his hips into him like that. When Derek his the right spot Stiles arched his back. 

“...gonna… come.” 

The words barely escaped his lips when his body shuttered, his own come splashing his stomach. Derek fucked him through it until he came shortly after with a guttural growl that almost had Stiles coming again.

Stiles knew he would be sore later just by how his body groaned when he got dressed again. He joined Derek on the couch watching TV, and it felt… awkward. Stiles was fidgety as usual. The silence was becoming unbearable for him, he might actually lose it. He couldn’t read Derek’s expression, which he had gotten pretty good at over the past few weeks. Stiles couldn’t help but bounce his knee and bite at his nails. _Say something Stiles! Say something!_

“D-Do… uh…” Stiles swallowed hard, not believing what he was about to say, “... regret it?” 

Derek’s head dipped a little as it turned to look at Stiles, who was now looking at the floor. 

“Do _you?_ ” His voice cautious. 

“What? N-No!” 

Stiles shook his head. Then he stood. He couldn’t keep still. Which wasn’t new for him. Derek was watching his every move, and staying quiet which of course was not new, but it was starting to drive Stiles insane.

“I… I just… I don’t want to mess things up. I care about you. A lot. Like… I.... well I don’t want you to regret it because you have hated me for years.” He was rambling once again. He heard Derek sigh.

“Stiles. Do _you_ regret it? Seriously, was it too much too soon?” Derek stood to look at Stiles, to search his eyes. 

“No.” His answer came out too quick, and Derek’s eyebrow lifted. “I’m fine.” Stiles’ phone buzzed, interrupting them. It was Scott, asking him to come over. 

“I...uhm… I don’t want to seem like I am running because I’m not, and I don’t want to screw this up but Scott wants to hang out for the first time in weeks.” 

Derek smiled. “Go. It’s okay.” He turned and picked up Stiles’ keys from the coffee table and handed them back to Stiles. When their fingers brushed black veins shot up Derek’s arms. 

_“AH!”_ Derek sucked in a harsh breath through his clamped teeth. The pain was intense. His eyes blazed into Stiles’ as Stiles pulled away quickly and made for the door. 

“You’re in pain! Why are you in pain? Did I… did I hurt you?” Stiles stumbled at the tone in Derek’s voice. 

“NO! It’s not you. I’m fine, Seriously.” Then he left to avoid this conversation. 

“STILES!” Derek yelled behind him. 

_Fucking Hell!_ Stiles couldn’t get in the Jeep and drive away any quicker.

Stiles' phone buzzed about 100 times while he was playing video games and eating pizza with Scott. Every single one was from Derek. 

"Dude, are you going to answer any of those?" Scott had curiosity in his voice. Stiles looked at him for a moment, then turned to his phone. Opening the last message. 

Derek  
I swear to god, I am going insane ANSWER ME!

Stiles huffed thinking about the conversation they were going to have to have. 

"Everything okay with Derek?" Stiles froze. _How the hell did he... damnit._

"For once can you not use wolfy powers. And yes it is fine. We.. uh.. yeah we talked." 

Scott laughed. "Sure if that's what you call it. Well about damned time you both got laid." He shoveled another piece of pizza in his mouth.

"So you are okay with it... I mean you are the alpha." Scott was silent for a moment, chewing his food no doubt. 

"Yeah man... you... happy... remember?" His words cut off between bites. 

"God you really became an animal didn't you?" Stiles laughed, then Scott smack his arm. "Ow!" 

Faking injury. He turned to his phone. He didn't want Derek to show up and make a scene in front of Scott because that would raise more questions than he wanted to answer. 

**Stiles:  
Derek, seriously. I'm okay. Perfectly fine. Do not show up at Scott's. I'm probably going to crash here anyway. Talk tomorrow? I'm fine really. :)**

He shut the screen off and slipped it back into his hoodie pocket. 

"There, big bad wolf dealt with." Scott almost spit his Dr. Pepper all over the floor. "Do not tell him I said that." Stiles pictured Derek's face. It made him laugh a little bit harder, but he felt a squeeze in his chest. This may not end well. 

At about midnight Stiles climbed from his jeep and wandered into his room. He was going to stay with Scott but his snoring was almost unbearable. He was so tired from video games and his time with Derek that he flopped down onto his bed fully clothed. Hoping this time he wouldn't have a nightmare. Sleep sucked him into the darkness almost instantly.


	2. The proverbial cat is out of the bag.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek stumbles on more than he bargained for, and for once Stiles is refusing to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Unbeta'd.
> 
> Thank you for the support on this piece already!!!

_What the hell?!_ Derek stood there in the middle of the loft. Frozen to the spot. He kept looking down at his hand, no longer looking out the door where Stiles had ran, but down at his hand. The black lines gone as quick as they came. God Derek was so confused.

Stiles was in a considerable amount of pain, it shocked Derek that the kid didn’t show visible signs of pain, any physical signs, but he was always moving so it would he a little harder to notice a movement from pain. Anxiety creeped through him like the black through his veins. The same thought kept running through his mind over and over again. _Why didn’t he say I was hurting him? It had to be me, it didn’t happen when I was touching him before._

For that matter, why didn’t Derek feel it before. When they were pinned together in the cave, or in his bed. Derek never felt anything like that coming from Stiles. Ever. Sure he was human, and he was bound to get hurt but there was no scent of blood, no wound. No scent of pain. Not that Derek could pick up. He was tempted to text Scott, and ask him if he ever took pain from Stiles, but that was an overstep he didn’t want to make. Instead he continued to send messages to Stiles.

Surely they would have known if Stiles was in pain right? Derek had to remind himself that as a born werewolf his senses were stronger, and sometimes more sensitive to certain things. Some of the pack are just do dumb to get it. Scott knew Stiles inside and out pretty much, how it slipped by him was a mystery to Derek. Until he realized just how smart Stiles was. He could mask it if he wanted, if he researched enough. 

This thought process was not helping settle Derek’s wolf. It was on edge ever since the black lines formed and Stiles rambled his way out of the loft. It certainly didn’t help that Stiles was _not_ responding to his messages. Derek began pacing the loft, trying to think of anything he could to excuse what just happened. Heated, semi angry sex was not how he pictured his first time with Stiles. Yeah he pictured it alright… and it wasn’t like that. He also never thought it would actually happen. 

Derek was way too far into his own head that he actually jumped when his phone vibrated in his hand. 

**Stiles:  
Derek, seriously. I'm okay. Perfectly fine. Do not show up at Scott's. I'm probably going to crash here anyway. Talk tomorrow? I'm fine really. :)**

He continued to stare at the message for a while, as if it had personally offended him. Stiles sounded so nonchalant about the whole thing and that is what bothered Derek. Kate had been like that. “Everything’s fine Der. We will talk tomorrow. It’s okay.” The memory itself put a sour taste in his mouth. Everything wasn’t okay. She was able to hide things that no one should hide because she was smart, painfully smart and cunning. Like Stiles. The teen was too smart for his own good sometimes, and that always put Derek on alert. If he was honest, he hadn’t put himself out there like that, with someone he cared for in such a long time. So receiving the same type of message was unsettling, making his stomach twist. Derek didn’t believe Stiles was out to hurt him, not like Kate was. Derek was concerned that Stiles was out to hurt himself. 

Out of curiosity to make sure he was really okay, Derek drove by Scott’s place. Fear screamed at him when he didn’t see the trademark Jeep in front of Scott’s house. _Why wouldn’t he lie?_ Turning the car around with squealing tires he headed to Stiles’ house. He didn’t know what he was going to do when he got there but he had to know that Stiles was okay. 

The drive to Stiles’s house took longer than Derek had wanted. Or even remembered. His own heart hammering in his chest. He hadn’t felt like this since the Nogitsune was tormenting Stiles. Derek was on the verge of hyperventilating when he pulled around the corner and the Stilinski house came into view.

His breathing slowed when he saw the Jeep parked right out front. Of course the cruiser was gone. The sheriff was taking more and more double shifts trying to figure out what in the world he was going to do about the supernatural issues becoming more and more apparent. There were no lights on in the house, so Derek knew Stiles must be asleep. He parked the Camaro around the corner and nearly ran over to the house. 

He stepped up onto the porch, figuring he would try the door. He didn’t want to climb through the window if he didn’t have too. To his surprise it was unlocked. By surprise Derek mean shocked. Stiles never left the door unlocked. He let himself in the house and walked toward the stairs, searching for any sign of trouble. He was just going to peek in and make sure everything was okay, but halfway up the stairs everything changed. The teen’s heartbeat went erratic, going entirely too fast. He could smell the panic as it radiated from the room.

His wolf was on overdrive when he hit the top of the stairs. Immediately pulling the door open, ready to face whatever was on the other side. Derek wasn’t prepared to find Stiles in his bed, tossing and turning violently as he gasped for air.

Stiles’ eyes shot open. Another nightmare, but this time instead of screaming himself awake he couldn’t breathe. This was a first. Usually he could feel them coming on when he woke up screaming, and he could calm himself down. But not this time. He was already in the middle of it when his eyes opened. He could hear himself wheezing, his hand clutched at his chest. In a failed attempt Stiles tried his usual cure, digging his nails into his palm until it brought him out of it, but it was too late. 

“Da-....” He tried, even though he knew that his father wasn’t home. 

Darkness was forming around the edges of his eye sight. Stiles was sure that this was it, until a figure ran at him from his doorway. A firm warm hand pressed down on his hand that clenched his chest. 

“You need to breathe Stiles! In… out…” 

With every ‘in’ the hand pushed down, with every ‘out’ the hand pulled back just enough.

“Follow the rhythm. Stay awake Stiles! In… Out…” The darkness was slowly dissipating, and Stiles was able to get short breathes. It wasn’t perfect, but he was breathing. 

His left hand still clamped down, hoping for any purchase but he couldn’t feel it. It was then that his eyes settled on the hand at his chest. Black lines crept up and under the leather cuff of the jacket sleeve. _Derek._ Realizing who was there made his heart calm, but his stomach drop. He wasn’t ready to talk about this, he didn’t want Derek to know. Once his breathing calmed, Derek’s hand still held on, but not as tight just resting. Stiles took this time to pull away from Derek and climb off of his bed. He stood not facing Derek, with his hand in his hair. 

“What are you doing here?” he sounded out of breath to his own ears.

“What?” Derek’s voice sounded like he was blindsided. 

“I know you heard me.” Stiles’ voice was more firm than Derek had ever heard him. He didn’t answer. “Seriously Derek.” There was a little bit of a growl behind him. Stiles turned to see Derek’s jaw set. He wasn’t happy. _Well that makes two of us fuzzball!_

“Why. Did. You. Lie?” Every word hissed through Derek’s teeth. Stiles started laughing, which turned into a coughing fit. He still wasn’t getting enough air for his lungs’ liking. 

“What did I lie about?” 

“ _Damn_ it Stiles, you were supposed to be at Scott’s. I drove by and you weren’t there and here you are.” Derek’s voice was a little louder than Stiles expected but he wasn’t going to back down. Not now. 

“Scott snores so fucking bad! I couldn’t fall asleep there, so I just came home. I didn’t lie. Plans changed. Now, if you wouldn’t mind leaving me alone.” Stiles didn’t necessarily _want_ Derek to leave, but he wasn’t in the mood to talk about this. He never wanted to talk about this.

Derek didn’t say anything, or make an attempt to leave. Stiles was fuming now, he was angry and exhausted. This was not how he planned finishing his night.

“I am fine Derek. Okay. F.I.N.E. Just… I. Am. Fine.” There was silence. Always silence. Derek must be the king of silence. Stiles hated it, but for once not hearing a damn thing come out of the wolf’s mouth was comforting. Stiles actually hoped that Derek was going to just leave.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” _Huh?!_. There was a tone Stiles never heard from Derek before. It was hurt. Jesus Stiles didn’t know it could sound so horrible coming from someone. It hit him right in the chest.

“Derek…”

As if on cue the Sheriff’s cruiser pulled into the driveway. Derek wouldn’t stay with the potential of being caught in Stiles’s room, not after what happened earlier. Sure he trusted Derek more, but he wasn’t going to just brush off the fact that an older man was in his son’s dark room. The look of frustration was thick on Derek’s features. To avoid the Sheriff, Derek slipped out the window with one last look at Stiles as if to say this conversation wasn’t over. 

Stiles sighed heavily. Not even caring to get up and shut the window, he flopped down on the bed resting a hand on his stomach. _How is this my life?_ Instead of falling back to sleep, Stiles lay awake. Listening to his father go through the motions. Putting away his holster on the hook by the stairs, walking up the stairs, poking his head into Stiles’s room.

“You awake Kiddo?”

“Yeah dad.” Stiles didn’t even look at his father. He just stared at the ceiling.

“Again?”

“Yeah. Before you… before you say anything. I’m going to talk to someone.”

“Okay son. Get some rest.”

Stiles could hear the worry in his father’s voice. He hated it. His father had been through enough. The loss of his mother was hard, and then the Nogitsune playing tricks on them, making them think Stiles would have the same fate. 

The nightmares and panic attacks had been more frequent lately, and Stiles was not going to tell his father how bad this one was. He really didn’t want to talk to anyone about it, but Derek was going to want answers. Stiles was going to try and put this off as long as he could, especially with the hurt in Derek’s voice haunting him. 

Taking a deep breath Stiles resigned himself to having to avoid Derek, and he closed his eyes hoping that maybe he could get a few hours of sleep. Thoughts of Derek crept into his mind, until he was thinking about the groans and moans from earlier today. If this was how Derek was going to haunt his dreams, he would be okay with it. For now.


	3. Dirty Little Secrets.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth comes out, and Derek is glad he came.

Stiles had successfully avoided Derek for about a week. Luckily Scott had found the need to spend time with Stiles. When he wasn’t with his best friend, Stiles was keeping himself occupied with research for the pack, keeping up on his homework, and practicing Lacrosse with Isaac. At night while he lay in his bed, Stiles would think about his hook up with Derek. Trying anything and everything to distract him from having nightmares. 

It worked for a while. Until it didn’t. Stiles woke himself before screaming a few times, and then a panic attack would follow. His arm was starting to look like he had a fight with a blackberry bush. Small crescent marks littered his forearm. Some scabbed, some healing, others fresh. He was even more on edge lately. Deciding that sleep was for the weak, and he wasn’t weak. So he stopped sleeping. He looked ragged, he knew that. Bruises under his eyes, and his face paler than usual. Nothing like what the Nogitsune did to him, but similar and he was spacing out more often than not. Losing time. 

“Stiles!” Scott whisper yelled at him from across the library table. 

“Huh?” Stiles shook his head a bit. 

“Your phone has been buzzing for 5 minutes, and you looked like you were no longer occupying your body.” 

Stiles looked down at his phone. Showing a text message. He knew who it would be from. Occasionally one would come in, and he would ignore it. Honestly he was surprised that the wolf hadn’t shown up at his house yet. He thought he would, that’s why mountain ash lined the window. With a small huff, Stiles lifted his phone away from view of his table mates and read the message.

**Derek:  
Stiles… I’m leaving.**

His stomach dropped. That wasn’t what he wanted to see. Yeah sure, he was avoiding Derek, but jesus he didn’t want him to leave. _No! Shit!_ Stiles could feel his hands start to shake. Derek couldn’t leave. Not again. Nope. Stiles had to do something to stall him.

“I… I gotta go. Tell Coach I’m sick.” 

“Stiles….”

“Yeah Scott?” Stiles was shaky, he didn’t want this to be a long conversation.

“Get some sleep buddy.” 

Stiles nodded, and then headed for the Jeep. He was counting each breath in and out as he drove home. Thankfully the Sheriff wasn’t home. Stiles made it inside, got the door locked and up to his room before his vision started to blur. Nothing was working. With shaky, fumbling hands Stiles pulled his phone from his pocket. Dialing the one number that would answer. The one number he had avoided calling. Before he could get any words out, Stiles was gasping for air, his eyes rolled back and he felt the impact of the floor when everything went dark.

Derek’s phone rang. Stiles’s dumb grin popping up on the screen. The teen had managed to steal his phone and take a stupid selfie when Derek wasn’t looking. His heart was in his throat, he wanted nothing more than to talk to Stiles. The teen had been ignoring him and avoiding him for a week or so now, and Derek hated every moment of it. It was starting to drive him insane. As it was he wasn’t sleeping. So now he was nervous.

“Stiles?”

_Thump!_ Derek heard a crash, and the clatter of the phone as it hit the ground. Stiles’s heart was beating so hard for a few moments that Derek was sure it was going to explode. Then it was quiet. 

“STILES?!” He checked the phone to make sure they were still connected. 

Then the heartbeat started again. It was slow, and quieter than Derek had ever heard from Stiles. Including when he was peacefully sleeping. There was something wrong. _Duh!!_ Derek knew that already. He thought leaving would fix this, but clearly not. Something was happening and Derek needed to figure out what it was, and if he is to blame. 

He got into the Camaro and headed to the Stilinski house.

Stiles woke with a start. His head hurt, more than usual, and his shoulder was sore. Then he realized that he was laying on the floor. _Fuck._ This was by far the worst panic attack he had ever had. Gently he lifted himself off of the floor and sat on the side of his bed, cradling his head in his hands. Not caring that his elbows were digging into his thighs. It wasn’t long until he heard his bedroom window slide open. The mountain ash barrier wasn’t closed, allowing whom he could only expect to be Derek to climb into the room.

“Stiles?” The hurt that Stiles had expected wasn’t there, just worry.

“Mhm.” 

“Look at me Stiles.” 

Stiles lifted his head. Taking in the shocked look on the wolf’s face. He was sure that the reaction was from the dark circles. But Derek didn’t look as Stiles had expected. Instead the wolf looked worn down. No leather jacket, just jeans and a black t-shirt. His hair was a mess, like he hadn’t slept. _Jesus_. 

“It was a panic attack.” Stiles swallowed hard. “I saw that you were leaving.”

“Stiles.. I… I can’t stay here with…” Derek couldn’t get the words out. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?” There was that question again. Stiles didn’t like where this was going but it had to happen. He told his dad he would.

“That I was hurting you.” Oh. My. God. No. _Nononnonononono._ Stiles’ heart rate jumped again. Realizing that Derek feels like he caused this, the pain, the panic, everything. 

“Derek. Stop.” It was almost a warning. 

“Stop what Stiles? That I pushed you into something that was hurting you and you didn’t say anything? What I don’t get is why didn’t I feel it when I was touching you?” He sounded mad. Well this isn’t going to make it any better. “I come here to talk to you and you are… you couldn’t breathe. Then this… you call me and all I hear is you falling and your heart stop!”

“Seriously. Stop. It wasn’t you okay. Honestly. It had nothing to do with you.” 

“Oh the old it’s not you it’s me? That is probably the stupidest thing I have ever heard…” Derek continued to talk but Stiles didn’t hear him. He was getting ready to snap, he was going to have to just tell Derek. 

“..tiles! See you don’t even listen!” That was it. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. 

“I’m constantly in pain Derek!” It was almost a yell. “I can never seem to get warm enough, I am in pain every single waking moment which seems to be 24 hours because I barely sleep. IF I do sleep I either wake up screaming, or I just have a panic attack. I can usually calm them but that one I couldn’t do shit about! I couldn’t feel my nails digging into my palm because you were taking the pain away. Don’t you dare think that I am blaming you because for fuck sake, I thought I was going to die and you stopped it. You didn’t feel it when we were together because I didn’t feel it. Sure it was there. It is always there. There is nothing I can do about it, but when I am around you it is not what I think about. The Nogitsune fucked me up, that day was the first silver fucking lining I have had in months. MONTHS Derek! I didn’t tell you I was in pain because why should I? Huh?! I am little fucking human Stiles. Barely pack, and the damn body that killed my friends. I deserve the pain I am in Derek! I did this! ME! So you don’t get to take the blame!” 

Stiles was standing and yelling now, and once he finished he was breathing harder. Slightly wondering how long he was able to actually breathe. His body was shaking. Derek stood and placed his hands on Stiles’ shoulders. 

“Stiles… why have you been avoiding me?”

“Because Derek, I didn’t want to tell anyone. The only person that knows is my dad… about the panic attacks, and the nightmares. No one knows about us… well… Scott because he literally cannot keep his nose out of things.” Stiles took a breath. “I… I have been able to keep the nightmares away for a while… but they came back with a vengeance. You sounded soo hurt, and now I get it. You thought you were hurting me but jesus Derek… thinking about (italic)that(/italic), you and me… you fucking me. That has kept my nightmares at bay until all I could think about was how hurt you sounded.” 

There was silence, and Stiles hated it. He wanted Derek to say something, anything. Tell him he was leaving, end it. He was a lost cause and Derek didn’t need him dragging him down. 

“Before.. You said everyone around you gets hurt. Derek… I’m not hurt because of you… I did this to myself. So don’t use that as an excuse. If you are going to leave then….”

“I’m not leaving.”

Stiles’s head snapped up to look at Derek. His arms were crossed, making his biceps bulge and god Stiles just wanted to… _Stop it!_ He wanted to be angry at Derek for saying he was leaving, but he couldn’t because that stupid sourwolf was staying and Stiles just wanted to jump him. 

“I was going to leave because I thought I was the cause of this but… I can’t leave you like this.”

“Don’t leave me ever.” Stiles’s tone was sarcastic with an underlying seriousness.

“Okay.” 

Derek stepped toward Stiles, grabbing him and pressing his lips to Stiles’s. As Stiles started to kiss back it became more intense. But with that feeling came a new feeling. It was like a breath of fresh air. Something Stiles hasn’t felt in months. Possibly even years. The next thing Stiles knew, he was falling back on his bed with Derek on top of him. Stiles was pressing up into Derek’s thigh, anything to get some friction. Letting breathy moans slip into Derek’s mouth from his. The wolf paused for a moment, looking down at Stiles. His hand gripping the teen’s waistband. 

“Make the nightmares stop. Der.”

A shiver went down Derek’s spine, and it sounded like all the air was punched out of Derek’s chest. His eyes flashed at Stiles, and for the first time ever Stiles wasn’t terrified. 

“Derek?” He wiggled under the wolf.

“Sorry.” 

“For what?”

“Kate called me that.” 

Immediately Stiles let go of Derek. Trying and failing to put distance between him and Derek, but the wolf pinned him down with his hips. 

“Stop. I didn’t… I like it when you say it.” 

“Are you sure?”

Stiles was apprehensive about it, he knew what that meant. However, Derek ground his hips down pushing his erection into Stiles’s leg and all thoughts of apprehension stopped. 

“Jesus Der.” 

From there is was a mess of tearing clothes from one another. This was almost sloppier than the first time, instead of trying to work each other they were already right there. It only took a few moments for Derek to prep Stiles. With a deep breath Derek was bottoming out inside of Stiles. The teen’s head thrown back as he adjusted to the delicious size of Derek. Stiles pushed back on Derek, and the wolf set a pace. It wasn’t punishing, but it was brutal. If it was always going to be like this, Stiles might die of pleasure. 

Each time Derek struck Stiles’s prostate an intense ache of pleasure would shoot through his body. Stiles dug his fingers into Derek’s hair, pulling him down for a searing kiss. Biting his lip as they broke apart. Derek’s hips stuttered at the bite. This wasn’t going to last long, both of them on the edge. 

Derek reached between them, taking Stiles into his hand and pumping in rhythm of his thrusts. With the perfect strike Stiles was coming. Slicking up Derek’s stomach and Stiles’s. As Derek fucked Stiles through his orgasm Stiles felt like he was going to completely shatter. In one swift move he pulled Derek down toward him, and sunk his teeth into the wolf’s shoulder. Hard enough that he tasted blood. A growl escaped Derek, and Stiles could feel him coming. 

While Stiles was catching his breath he could feel Derek shaking. Small whimpers passed over the wolf’s lips as he came down from his high. Stiles groaned at the loss when Derek pulled out, rolling to his back. Not looking at Stiles. The teen grabbed his shirt from the floor, and wiped himself off, then turned and started to wipe Derek off. The wolf tensed and whimpered again. Stiles noticed that Derek was almost completely and what looked achingly hard again. 

_Good god._

“Derek?” Stiles was looking at him again when he noticed that while the bite mark had healed, it appeared to have scarred. “Derek talk to me. You are freaking me the fuck out here. Why did my bite mark leave a scar?”

“It’s…” Derek whimpered again. “It’s never felt like that before… and it’s because you’re my mate. It’s a mate mark.” 

Stiles reached out and traced the mark, letting his fingers trail down to Derek’s abs. Watching as his dick bobbed up and then slapped down on his stomach.

“Fuck.”

“Yeah…”

“It’s going to be a long night huh?” 

Derek looked at Stiles, his mouth falling open. Stiles ran his tongue over his lip, watching as once again Derek’s dick bobbed. _fuckkk_. 

“You’re lucky I love you.” 

Stiles just hoped his dad didn’t come home early, because the sounds Derek made when Stiles ran his tongue up his dick were anything but quiet.


End file.
